Meow Means No! is the sixth episode of the second series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the January 21, 2003.

Summery Edit

Kelly recruits her friend Sarah to play the drums in her band. However, Sarah has never had any formal lessons, and can't seem to keep up with the others during rehearsals. Everyone becomes very frustrated, and reaches the conclusion that Sarah must be replaced by someone with more experience. Kelly can't bring herself to fire her friend, so Sharon volunteers to handle it. Sarah gets $10,000 for her services, and a job handling the slate during the filming of Kelly's video for "Shut Up."

Dill returns to town, and Jack invites him to stay at the house. Ozzy is not thrilled about this, but doesn't stand in his way. Dill and Jack engage in a political debate that seems to bore the rest of their friends. They later engage in a bizarre wrestling match in the driveway that finds them stripping half-naked. One of the dogs, Arthur, becomes too frisky as he deals with leftover "feelings" after being fixed. The family believes that Arthur has raped Gus the cat, although a veterinarian insists that this is impossible.

Gallery Edit

Meow Means No!/ Gallery

Memorable Quotes Edit

"Their fucking dogs start my fucking dogs barking! What do you expect the dogs to do, meow?"
— Ozzy Osbourne
"It's ridiculous how you're holding her like a baby."
Robert to Melinda holding Chicken
"But I love her like a baby. You'll know love one day when you find a Chicken."
— Melinda
"What the fuck is that?"
— Ozzy upon seeing Chicken
"It smells of dog shit wherever I go!"
— Ozzy Osbourne
"Oh my God, I hate my life! I just stepped in dog shit!"
— Kelly Osbourne
"Imagine if I took a dump in the hallway and someone stepped in it, it's disgusting. Fuck those stupid motherfucking dogs. I fucking hate them!"
— Kelly Osbourne
"Drummers are weird people. Anyone that wants to sit behind a drum kit and beat fucking skins is a loony.It's a weird kind of person, it takes a special kind of person."
— Ozzy Osbourne
"The dog's satanic."
— Ozzy Osbourne
"I live in a fucking Beverly Hills lunatic asylum."
— Ozzy Osbourne
"No, you live in a Beverly Hills dog pound."
— Jack Osbourne
"Sarah looks like Popeye on drums."
— Sharon Osbourne
"I can't say it to her, she the only one I'm friends with in the band. It sucks."
— Kelly Osbourne
"I'm out of fucking debt from the family, for playing drums."
— Sarah
"These dogs lead lives we don't know about."
— Jason Dill
"Dude, did you hear what fucking Arthur did to Gus? Arthur butt raped Gus, like fully! Not just like poked and prodded. Penetrated Gus."
— Jack Osbourne
"Now, how come a dog can't stick its dick up a cat's bum? That's why he was crying and that's why he he shit everywhere."
— Sharon Osbourne
"Fuck yeah America, right on!"
— Dill on the planning for the bombing of Iraq
"The dog has to go! It fucked Gus in the arse! His dick was in Gus' arse!"
— Kelly Osbourne
"Arthur, you are a horny toad! He's still got that big willy!"
"I'm gonna get a new apartment and take Chicken away from this madness, where they eat shit and fuck cats."
— Melinda

Trivia Edit

  • It is revealed in the commentary that Sarah never saw The Osbournes.
  • In the commentary, Chicken was taken away by Melinda, as she stated in the actual episode, only for Melinda to give him away afterwards.