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The Ozz Man and the Sea is the third episode of the second series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the December 17, 2002.

Summery Edit

Kelly travels to Europe for a series of interviews and appearances. She is upset when her bag is lost (apparently seized by security because of concerns over her gun-shaped pin), leaving her without any extra underwear. She first visits Germany, where she deals with several adoring fans and tries to fake her way through a radio interview conducted in German ("That's amazing. I always don't know what to say"). Kelly then goes to England to perform "Papa Don't Preach" on Top of the Pops. Jack heads to North Carolina to film a guest spot for Dawson's Creek.

Sharon is depressed about the fact that everyone is away at the same time. Ozzy tries to cheer her up by building a fire outside the beach house so that she can spend some time outside. The fire department gives him some advice on building a pit for the fire, but the ocean is not very cooperative ("Stop! Go to Alaska! No, no, no, no. You fucking asshole ocean! No!"). When the fire finally gets going, Ozzy gives Sharon a good laugh when he tries to catch a fish in the ocean—and ends up falling over.

Gallery Edit

The Ozz Man and the Sea/ Gallery

Memorable Quotes Edit

"Ocean? Not my place, man! I was born on land, I'm no fucking deep sea diver!"
— Ozzy Osbourne
"Everybody's gone this week, I hate this week!"
— Sharon Osbourne
"No drinking, no drugging!"
— Sharon Osbourne
"Where do I live?"
— Ozzy Osbourne
"Fuck me,man, I'm terrified of flying!"
— Kelly Osbourne
"My fucking bag is lost! I want my fucking bag!"
— Kelly Osbourne
"It came up on the screen and it was "that big" and I shit you not it looked like a fucking real gun."
— Kelly Osbourne
"Don't screw your face up, there's nothing wrong with my knickers."
Melinda
"This was the first attempt, failed miserably. Take two, where the fuck's the second one?"
— Ozzy Osbourne
"Fuck off! Fuck off! Stop! Go to Alaska! No, no, no, no. You fucking asshole ocean! No! I feel like a fucking construction worker!"
— Ozzy Osbourne
"It fucking will be in about ten minutes. I'm gonna put more logs on it."
— Ozzy Osbourne
"I Am Log Man!"
— Ozzy Osbourne
"I did a pretty good job getting up this morning, you must admit."
— Jack Osbourne
"Fish like cheese...Sometimes. Some fish like cheese."
— Ozzy Osbourne
"We're trying to catch Moby Dick."
— Sharon Osbourne